How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
