alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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