At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
After last night, I could never be a politician.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
