Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
