i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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