dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
