I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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