we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
