Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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