No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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