can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
