I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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