Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
