You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
