I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
