I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
