Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
