Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What a dumb baby whore.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
