i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
