Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
