I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
