remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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