At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
