he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
