i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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