The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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