every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
