that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
