You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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