....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
