Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
