I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
