We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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