Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
