For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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