THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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