I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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