Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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