Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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