Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
