do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
