Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i love accidental penises.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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