We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
