What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
