So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
