Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
