Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
