dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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