my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
