We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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