How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
