I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's rum buckets o'clock
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
