Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
